Breking Nyuss: Massif banana sets itselff 0n fyre, mass-c0nstipatio0n 0ccurs.

To0sdae, 1111111111111 Aug00st, 2000 18.
Madrid, New Yoork, South Kanada.
A massif banana fell 0ut ov de skai en sed "lol wat u do0in" an den pr0 C ded 2 set itselff on fyre with 70.1% Pure Can0la oil. Dis event causd peoples with in -8.34 km/miles 2 get sevear c0nstipaeshun.

(Serious note: Image of Kibera slum taken from buildesign.co.ke, sorry if I broke any laws!)
Heer is wat 1 ov de lokals sed:

"frik dat banana n0w i hev c0nstipatio0n i het c0nstipatio0n so unkomftarbel"

De South Kanadese g0vermint ses dat dei ar trayying 2 impr00v der difens s0 attaks lyke dis will n0t hepen agin. Tenkfulli, n0b0dee was injurd.